If you’ve read my book reviews in the past, you’ve probably learned that I love to find amazing deals at our local Salvation Army store. I came across The Four Agreements almost two years ago. The price was perfect at $1.95, and the size of the book was excellent because, at that time, I hated reading if I didn’t have to!
During this time, I had just been laid off from my position, where I spent almost six years of my life. At that time, I measured my commitment by the amount of bullshit I was willing to take, along with the amount of time I spent working. A normal week for me was easily over 80 hours per week. I would log on before work to try to catch up on emails. Then, most of my day was spent in meetings. Literally, every minute accounted for from 9-5, even my lunch would often get a meeting scheduled over it. I was frequently double and triple-booked for meetings. Then, my evenings were spent following up with team members for status updates on things we needed to do and also catching up on more emails before I would wake up the next day and do it all… over… again.
At first, it was shocking when I was told I was being let go. They didn’t outright tell me that they were doing layoffs – I would find that out later from multiple recruiters and friends who said people in multiple departments were being let go. Until I learned that, I spent weeks trying to figure out what I did wrong and how I could have fixed it. I tortured myself with blame and anger for those who lied to my face, telling me I was doing a fantastic job, even promoting me a year before, only to let me go now.
I began reading The Four Agreements at that time when it was proving to be a challenge to find a new job. At that time, I don’t think I was ready to hear what this book had to say. I was in a very difficult head space filled with anger, regret, and fear. To be honest, I was also feeling mourning. Mourning for the position I had given nearly six years of my life, too, and all the relationships I had built and cherished during that time.
Over these last two days, I read The Four Agreements. I won’t spend a lot of time explaining the agreements or outlining anything specific. What I can say is that this book helped me realize that many of the things I was feeling, and frankly still feel today, about that time of my life are based upon my own view of what happened and how I perceived those events. It was a difficult time, but as I learned about the organization later, it was a blessing. They were going through a lot of change and a difficult economic time, so they had to make some difficult decisions.
It will take me some time to fully digest this book. The concepts are very simple, but the execution is extremely hard. For example, do not make assumptions is one of the agreements. When I sit and think about it, I make a LOT of assumptions about a LOT of things every single day. I became skilled at learning a small piece of information, developing a theory from it, and digging into that theory by assuming what may be happening based on my prior experience. But this also causes me to jump to conclusions and react quickly without having a complete picture.
This book is a quick read. Overall, it is easy to understand. Even if you’re in a good spot in your life and career and feel things are on the right track, I still recommend picking up a copy of this book and giving it a read. I guarantee there is something in the book that will resonate with you and get you thinking about things in your life. It doesn’t always have to be a life-changing event, but even the simplest things, like how we speak to our loved ones, could be what you need to hear to open your eyes and heart just enough to make a difference.
